A little taste of life.

Just thought I would catalog something that happened to me almost 2 years ago. Every once in awhile you get a chance to really feel alive. And this was my moment, revised to fit a basic description of my thoughts.
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At first this dance really sucks, everyone having fun and hanging out. Me? I'm just sitting in this chair watching them migrate across the floor, some more graceful than others. The music is lame and the food tastes bland. The twiddling of my fingers makes it obvious that I'm slightly nervous. As you start to approach I turn my head in a different direction as if I'm avoiding the fact that your headed towards my basic location. After all I've never been one to take initiative.

You've got a slight bashful grin on your face as you take the chair next to me. My fingers are uncontrollably gripping my leg and the arm of the chair. You immediately turn and when I look up all I can see is the piercing glare of your eyes. To break the silence you ask me how I'm doing tonight. You ask me why I'm sitting all alone, and why I've barely moved from my pedestal. I tell you that I'm alright, I just don't have very much experience with people, my hands slowly stop their movement and rest on my lap. You send one of those sympathetic smiles my way and lay your hand on my arm. I may or may not have jumped slightly. You tell me it's alright, and without warning You pull me up out of my plastic sanctuary and lead me out onto the dance floor.

Such great timing it was that a 'slow' song came blazing through the speakers. It's one of the worst songs I've ever heard, I don't even know why they're playing it. But you've already wrapped around me, my eyes meet yours halting all thoughts ,making you my top priority. The first minute or so is so full of tension. Hold tight, move somewhat this way and that way, avoid eye contact as it causes a twitch somewhere inside me. My mind is split between wanting to hold you forever and bail from the nervousness.

Soon the song progresses into chorus and I can feel myself start to relax. The song slows down and reality almost seems to freeze as a new feeling passes through me and time slows down. Suddenly nothing seems to matter anymore, and we've been standing here for eternity. The only thing that seems to hold any meaning to me is you, the beautiful artifact in my arms.

The song speeds up and the room begins to spin, I can't help myself but to hold on to you as some kind of lifeline. Our heartbeats are moving explosively fast while the music takes it's intense course. The world rotates so quickly, and when the music suddenly stops I feel a slight imaginary dressiness. As much as I don't want it to be over, I don't want to let you go, the real world finally fades back into our minds and you look up at me and smile.
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Shortly after the room fades black and I wake up from the memory in whatever location and shitty reality I was in when I looked back. See the thing about memories is they can be both precious and damaging. I loved that time so much, It was the best thing I've ever felt in my whole life. But the more I think about it the more it shoves my loneliness and mistakes in my face. Maybe I'm just another psycho hopped up on hormones, but none the less that horrible feeling I get when I think is strong.

It will eventually eat me from the inside out.