Dairy of a Vegetarian Zombie

There Once was a Zombie named Zen, He was not like other zombies. That's right, he was a freakin' vegetarian zombie. What? Just because he has blood dripping from his face and reeks of the odor from the deceased he has to enjoy a meat sandwich? Fuck that! This zombie is legendary, this zombie is a unique zombie, this zombie's name is Zen, he is also a vegetarian.

Days of The Apocalypse - By Zen

Day 1: Holy shit I can't believe I'm a zombie. Last thing I can recall is that I was hiding in the safe house. And considering I have chunks missing from various parts of my body, I'm going to assume I was bitten. Now where are those assholes who failed to protect me?

Day 2: So the other night I got hungry and I wondered; since I was a meat-eating carnivore in my past life, should I be into veggies now? And I thought I don't exactly need any more flesh hanging from my face than I already have anyway. So I guess I should look for plants? If only I knew what was healthy, I wouldn't want a double infection.

Day 3: That goddamned cauliflower burned what's left of my stomach, fuck you vegetation. I'm currently regretting my decision to eat healthy. Oh well off to go purge some more organs from my deteriorating body.

Day 4: HOLY MOTHER FUCKER!!! my stomach is less morbid looking. Some of the holes are filling up, and I'm no longer leaking acid. Maybe this diet isn't that bad, even if it tastes worse than my ex's vagina.

Day 5: My last journal made me think of something, can zombies have relationships? I'm still trying to find my place in zombieland. Should I pick up a job? Should we trade surplus bodily parts for wage? I'm really not sure.

Day 6: I figured it out, this new world is our world. Fuck working I wanna go find a pretty undead woman to get laid with. Now let's see, so far out of what I've seen, my choices are as follows: missing limbs, possible brain damage, or the ones that make the phrase "I can see right through you" never seem so literal. Eh fuck it, back to my hunt for lettuce. Girls are only trouble anyway.

Day 7: Today I've decided to look around for some more plants to store in my shed. I saw an old farm next to the school house, perhaps I'll go there tomorrow. I shall, and I will harvest and eventually consume more disgusting plants! ... Oh boy, I really need to find a hobby...

Day 8: I am now at the farm, It seems as if there is no food left to pick here but I did manage to find what I think are herbs that may be able to help me repair certain parts of my body. Hey out here appearance is everything- --------- - -

Day 9: I did it! I finally found someone to have for dinner! Call me a rude bitch I don't care. It's mightily lonely out here on this damn farm, so ya' know when I see someone walkin' around I figured I might as well capture them. Cathin' things was the only thing I ever learned from my grandaddy. Anyway, I guess I probly should travel around and look for some spices, cause' I'm planning a hell of a dinner. -love, Stacy

Day 10: Ow. WhAt ThE HeLL HaPPEnD? ... MmY abiLitY t0 wrIte is SLightlY HindErEd. PERHaPS !f I 5WitcH @rmS, OW! FUCK! Okay that's better. Whew, that was weird, last thing I remember before reading that disturbing post by who knows who, I was in the garden picking herbs. Then my vision went black and I fell asleep, I guess not having a pulse isn't as convenient as one may think. Dammit, why does this keep happening? Anyway, my legs are wrapped in barbed wire and tied to the bathtub. And one of my arms is missing it's bones, which I'm guessing are the bones that the dog is chewing on right now. Why the hell does the virus not affect animals. Oh well I'll kill it when I figure out how to go mobile. On another note, I'm not sure if this is a good sign yet. Also I'm still unsure how I got here or where the hell I am, but I look forward to the dinner this person is gonna cook for me, maybe she'll even be decent looking. But I'll get back to you on that one.

To be continued...